wessam hazaymeh

2020 was supposed to be full of adventure. I was supposed to find myself — whatever that means. I felt like I was in a dream from March 12 through 15 — my last three days of my study abroad program in Greece.

Arriving back at John F. Kennedy airport two months before planned was weird. My intuition told me, from the beginning, that the trip would be cut short. I spent my time there as wisely as I could. I saw beautiful places, but more importantly, I left with some of the best people I ever met. It eased the disappointment I felt because of having to leave behind all of the travel dreams I was chasing. 

My first week back is a blur. That might be due to jet lag or keeping up with classes eight hours ahead or the void I felt. 

I was supposed to grow, so why do I feel I’ve taken a thousand steps back? This thought lived rent-free in my mind. I allowed myself a week to be sad because I knew there was a lesson hidden in between this chaos. 

Here are four ways I found to help me deal with the disappointment of a canceled trip.

Talk to someone who really listens: My mom is my best friend. I know that I can tell her virtually everything and she would listen. She won’t make me feel like a burden or that she is tired of my thoughts. She listens. She doesn’t know this, but she helped me more than she will ever know. 

I talked to her about my daydream of riding a camel in a Morrocan desert at sunset. She listened to my stories about the magical city of Budapest. She supported me in continuing to plan trips for a post-COVID time. 

Having someone who listens to you makes a big difference in how you process what is happening. Don’t forget to also be the one who listens

Reflect: Being stuck in quarantine like the rest of the world, I decided my study abroad journal didn’t have to be stored away for good. This quarantine was part of my study abroad story. 

Active reflection allows you to expand your thoughts beyond a retelling of a moment. Reflecting forces you to really think about what happened, learn about how you process and find the hidden lessons. 

I thought my growth would only come through adventures in new places. It does, but the growth I have been chasing came during quarantine. Confidence was never something I had. I still don’t, but I am making progress. During quarantine, I focused on myself. I stopped comparing myself and found myself becoming more confident. I began to trust myself a little more. Thoughtful reflection and stepping back from having to be the “yes” person, gave me the space to build my confidence and self-esteem.

Laughter and joy: I like to find the good in situations. I want to be able to turn a moment in my own life that may seem disastrous into something more lighthearted. I am an over-thinker. I know that now. So I have to find a way to stop myself from falling into a black hole of thoughts. 

During quarantine, I brushed up on my photoshop skills and made edits of my friend and me in different places. It was humorous and distracted me from disappointment.

Be optimistic: This is just during everyday life, pandemic or not. I had to look at the brighter side of things. Just like millions of people around the world, my plans crumbled overnight but I knew being angry at the world or shutting people out was not the way to handle it. That would have been more destructive for me than helpful. I choose to view 2020 as an adventure full of bumps.